I am going to recommend a book by a writer that I got to know because of his book. His name is Ben Cox, writer of "My name is Ben and I am a nurse addict." Heartfelt story. I laughed, cried, so many emotions. His site is: http://www.bencox.ca/

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“My name is Ben and I need to tell my story. I am not perfect, far from it. I have been pretending to be content with my life for so long that I have forgotten what it feels like to really feel happy. I violated my self- integrity so many times that I lost any self-worth I had. I needed help, needed to talk to someone, anyone. But I couldn't. I would lose everything I had worked so hard for, my marriage, my career, my freedom, everything.
I was a respected RN who worked in the isolated town of Inuvik, NT, and was seen as a caring, trusted, reliable, competent nurse and worked in the ER for almost 4 years. I am a loving father of a beautiful little girl and husband to a wonderful woman who I have never been in love with but have never had the courage to tell her. I have been using and addicted to narcotics for over two years, of which I had unlimited access to them. I know I am not well and need help, but I can’t ask for it. Weeks turn into months, months into years, and no one ever notices.
And then it happens. I am caught. I am arrested and charged. I lose my license to practice. I tell my wife I am not happy with our marriage. I attend a 30day treatment program for professionals with addiction where I learn to stop helping others and start to help myself.
I start to journal and remember how much I used to enjoy writing. I fly back to Inuvik to face the consequences of my actions and show my true character before the community, the hospital and the judge. I need them to see who I really am. I don't want to be defined by this one mistake, but rather by how I have dealt with it.
This makes me feel proud. I am asked to sit as the judge is going to make a decision as to what my sentence will be. I tell him I would rather stand and I hold my head high. I am ready. I am an addict. I am a good father. I am no longer a nurse. I am just a man, whose darkest secrets are there for all to see. I look at my Mother who is crying and flew up north to be with me. I whisper to her "I love you; I'm sorry". I face the judge. I am at peace. I am just a man. I am ready. This is my story.
I could not have ever talked about this before, without going to the treatment program and learning to talk about my feelings and my mistakes. Facing the community, the hospital, and telling others about the terrible mistakes I have made has been the hardest thing I have ever done. It has also been the most rewarding and I have found that most people can relate to something from my story as we are all imperfect to some degree. We are all human.
I was so good at helping others that I began to ignore myself. This caused me to do things out of context with my moral beliefs but I couldn’t stop because it made me forget that I was so unhappy. This can't be allowed to happen again.
Talk to someone. Be honest with yourself and you will start to respect yourself for it. Once you obtain that, everything else will fall into place. One day at a time.”


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