A little bit about everything! - Elaine Bosvik Ciarnau

 First question was, "Do you soil the bed at night?" "No, do you?" was my reply. This is the first time in many years I have had a young, handsome man try to get in my pants.  He's a nurse but what difference does that make?  I'm old, any mention of anything like that would get me smiling. He needed to check something but so what. Fact is, he ended up getting in my pants, not once, but twice. He wanted to see my coccyx and my butt cheeks. He had me bend over the bed, baring my rump checking them out.  He so gently greased them up. It felt good. He then asks me if I want to get into the peek-a-boo hospital gown and get ready for bed. What the hell, I give him a butt and now he wants the whole body? To top it off, he would have helped me change. I'm pretty sure he wanted to check out what a real woman looks like with all the wrinkles. rolls and fat! Later, he comes in with a scale. Men are NEVER supposed to ask a woman's weight. Maybe he was planning o...

 A few days in the hospital is good for finding some humour in situations you can't control. This time around, my bum was the butt of all jokes. My God, the first picture I saw was a dried out pig that had been roasting too long on a spit.  Wrinkled skin hanging off my backside with fluid filled blisters popping all over. Suddenly the peeling would start, strips of skin coming off in sheets that would impress Hannibal. Being told to leave it alone made it even itchier. I swear, going to poop there were blisters that consumed the entire poop only to pop when wiping. My wonderful nurses Kim and Lisa would check my my arse for dry cracks, wounds and whatever else could be hiding back there. I would bend over mooning them so they could have a good look. So gently, they would butter up my arse, no fear of the hemorrhoid that kept watch and would wink at them plotting to take a shot and make way for a fart or worse. They would have nice padded dressings to cover the problem areas as...