My Cancer Journey - WOMEN BEING HEARD

 When I was diagnosed with cancer October 2013, I was in the ER bleeding to death. My family was told I was dying and would die within a couple hours. A physicist, came up with a plan to give me 2 high dose radiation treatments to burn the area I was bleeding from.

I had cancer in the lining of the uterus that metastasized to the cervix, vagina, lymph nodes and areas around. Plus I had 2-71/2 pound ovaries. I looked like  was 9 months pregnant with twins. My regular doctor told me I was just too fat and lazy and never checked anything. For a year, my stomach just grew bigger. I bled on and off like a butchered pig.

It  took me almost dying before someone would listen. I woke up in the morning to pee, blood was pouring out like I turned on a faucet. Clots filled the toilet. I headed to the hospital. My ER doctor took one look and called in many specialists and gave me 6 units of blood. I was surrounded in 10 minutes and immediately had CT scans, MRI, Ultrasound, internal scan, x-rays, leaving baseball sized blood clots behind with every movement. He heard the story of what my Doctor told me, becoming furious. He reported her.

I was stuffed with 8 feet of packing that was changed every 30 to 60 minutes. By then, I couldn't walk  or sit. They tried giving me morphine but I refused. I had no pain, never did.  We agreed on 2 mg instead of the 10mg they wanted to give me, telling me the tests will be uncomfortable. I remember nothing from 11 a.m. until 9 p.m.. Apparently I ate, I was talking, had more tests but, remember none of it.

Just before that I was in a room in the cancer clinic with 4 doctors, 2 nurses and was told I am going to die and given 1 year max. I told one doctor, "you know what's wrong, now it's your job to fix it. " She said I was in denial. That pissed me off!  I told her to fuck off and get the hell out!

I was in the hospital for 10 days getting radiation and tests. I had doctors from Winnipeg, Toronto, all over the place come and see me. Apparently my cancer was rare, I became the guinea pig for new doctors. I had so many hands up my vagina, I felt like a prostitute open for business.

I continued with radiation for 7 1/2 weeks. I was burnt to A crisp, black, cracked skin, swollen and it hurt like hell. During that was chemo, Cisplatin.

 Every month I had a specialist from Hamilton fly in to see me. One month was Dr. Moen, the next was Dr. Elit,  She turned out to be my surgeon. She decided if I was not able to make the trip to Hamilton, she was going to bring her team to me. She had said the surgeons here can't do my kind of surgery. 

Feb. 5, 2014 was surgery day. A big black African woman came to bring me to preop to get prepped. She danced down the hall so I did t he same. Other patients and nurses were clapping, they never had anyone do that before, I like to have fun. She had the biggest hands and teeth I have ever seen. She was an anestisiologist. I adored her.

My surgeon came in to talk about the possibility of having to remove my bladder. I told her, I don't care what you take out, just remove everything cancerous. If I die during surgery, it's better than waking up to more cancer eating away at me. I didn't want to keep taking chemo after chemo and fading away. She agreed.

In the operating room, my anesthesiologist, started singing, it ended with both of us rapping off each other.  We were loud enough that my surgeon walked in asking what was going on.  I was OUT!

Waking in recovery, a nurse was asking me about pain. I was thinking, what pain, where? Then I started thinking, if I have no pain, I won't get anything if it starts, If I say I have pain, they might overdose me. I said I'm at a 2. Again, I never had pain after being cut from the breast bone to the pelvic bone. Staples pinched if I moved wrong but that's it. I was more stiff if anything.

 Doctors walked in the morning after surgery.  I was already out of bed and sitting in a chair doing a puzzle.  They were shocked, instead of a liquid diet, they ordered me a full breakfast. Soon after I was to go for an ex ray because my pic line was plugged. The orderly comes to wheel me down.  After I was done, he ran over his toe with the wheel of the bed. He started cursing and shoved the bed to the cement wall. I was shocked! I never said anything to anyone.

I was out on the 3rd day but had to stay in Hamilton for a week. Then I flew back to Thunder Bay. That was the only time I took a pain killer since leaving the hospital. It was a long day. We had an 8 P.M. flight but it was delayed by 2 hours. I was given special seating with my husband in case I needed help. Originally we were split up. The man beside me agreed to be moved. 

Two days later, I went to the hospital to get my staples out. Doctor was shocked that I walked in, hopped on the table and was able to get around without a problem. I don't know if I have a high pain threshold or just don't feel pain. 

When I left the office, I saw a woman who had the same doctors, same cancer, same surgery, same treatments, sitting in a wheelchair, looking so frail and gray. We were together in Hamilton having the surgeries same day. Even though my cancer had progressed further and metastasized, my surgery was bigger, losing my innards, she was worse. That broke my heart and I felt so guilty. She didn't recover. I knew the fight for me was on.

March 25, 2014, I would get my pathology reports. They got all the cancer. I was offered  another chemo treatment to have a better chance of no recurrence. Carboplatin, higher dose of Taxol and another drug  I don't remember, every three weeks. Five months and then brachytherapy, I agreed.

That was the first time I had intense pain. I went in for every treatment without an infection or illness the entire time. After my 3rd treatment, I went and did my cancer walk. I was determined, I even went to an outdoor party after the next infusion.  Cancer wasn't going to stop me.

The two weeks between the treatments was pure hell. Bone pain, confusion, was like my head was in a fish bowl. Just as I felt better it was time for another treatment, 8 hours of chemo. To pass the time I would knit or crochet 8x8" squares that were being made into lap quilts for cancer patients. I made 128 of them. 

After my chemo was done, I refused to ring the bell. Nothing to celebrate when people I grew to know weren't make it. They are happy for you but, you can see the pain in their eyes.

Brachytherapy was interesting. Nothing like having a device that looks like a dildo shoved inside you. It has a bunch of needle like probes that insert themselves to deliver internal radiation. There was a fight between my doctor and the anaesthesiologist about me being put to sleep or an epidural. I wanted neither. Fifteen minutes of looking like a frog while they zap you with radiation.  It was uncomfortable but not bad. I had 3 treatments. Since we had been so intimate, I named him Brachy Bob. I told the Doctor I might be pregnant with Bob's child. 

Only thing now is checkups and CA125 tests for years. I was cancer free and still am.

It's a tough fight but, you CAN WIN the battles. Never give up. Cancer is UGLY! It's a THIEF IN THE NIGHT, that tries to steal everything from you. FIGHT IT!

The photo is of Brachy Bob.