A little bit about everything! - Elaine Bosvik Ciarnau

The story began last weekend when Gabby’s younger sister, won a plush cat stuffie at a kids fishing tournament. The prize was the biggest catch of the day, and Adri was beaming with pride as she showed off her new fluffy friend to everyone. Gabby couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy, but she pushed it aside and joined in on the excitement, knowing how happy her sister was. So what do i do? I found an identical cat (so I thought) on Amazon and had it shipped to the house of course! When the stuffie arrived, I tore the box open to surprise Gabby. To my disappointment, the cat was lumpy, had less stuffing, and, of course, had two holes already! I passed over the toy, which, in my opinion, was not worth keeping, and yet even after showing her its flaws, she had the biggest smile. I went into mom mode again and found out which store Adri’s cat came from and it was even the same price as the one off Amazon! When I told Gabby the plans to go to the mall to find a “better” toy, she was ...

 2020 has taken on a new meaning for me.  I can handle all the strange things that are happening but when they start getting personal, it really starts to piss me off!   I was sitting on my bed one night in July. A storm rolled in, for the third time that day. The earlier ones brought in some amazing clouds that looked like it was the end of the world, or the aliens were about to take over.  The late evening storm was the strangest. You could see the clouds through the night sky, but the  thunder was louder than ever before. It shock everything. My son was about to make a night time snack when he announced, "Holy shit, the oven is on fire."  The oven elements blew to smithereens as the fire blazed.  As the fire was extinguished the wall behind me shook with a loud bang.  What the hell was that?  Going outside, flashlight in hand, inspecting the side of the house, a hole appeared.  maybe 8' long by 2' wide and deep.  The earth c...

 When I was diagnosed with cancer October 2013, I was in the ER bleeding to death. My family was told I was dying and would die within a couple hours. A physicist, came up with a plan to give me 2 high dose radiation treatments to burn the area I was bleeding from. I had cancer in the lining of the uterus that metastasized to the cervix, vagina, lymph nodes and areas around. Plus I had 2-71/2 pound ovaries. I looked like  was 9 months pregnant with twins. My regular doctor told me I was just too fat and lazy and never checked anything. For a year, my stomach just grew bigger. I bled on and off like a butchered pig. It  took me almost dying before someone would listen. I woke up in the morning to pee, blood was pouring out like I turned on a faucet. Clots filled the toilet. I headed to the hospital. My ER doctor took one look and called in many specialists and gave me 6 units of blood. I was surrounded in 10 minutes and immediately had CT scans, MRI, Ultrasound, internal s...

 First question was, "Do you soil the bed at night?" "No, do you?" was my reply. This is the first time in many years I have had a young, handsome man try to get in my pants.  He's a nurse but what difference does that make?  I'm old, any mention of anything like that would get me smiling. He needed to check something but so what. Fact is, he ended up getting in my pants, not once, but twice. He wanted to see my coccyx and my butt cheeks. He had me bend over the bed, baring my rump checking them out.  He so gently greased them up. It felt good. He then asks me if I want to get into the peek-a-boo hospital gown and get ready for bed. What the hell, I give him a butt and now he wants the whole body? To top it off, he would have helped me change. I'm pretty sure he wanted to check out what a real woman looks like with all the wrinkles. rolls and fat! Later, he comes in with a scale. Men are NEVER supposed to ask a woman's weight. Maybe he was planning o...

 A few days in the hospital is good for finding some humour in situations you can't control. This time around, my bum was the butt of all jokes. My God, the first picture I saw was a dried out pig that had been roasting too long on a spit.  Wrinkled skin hanging off my backside with fluid filled blisters popping all over. Suddenly the peeling would start, strips of skin coming off in sheets that would impress Hannibal. Being told to leave it alone made it even itchier. I swear, going to poop there were blisters that consumed the entire poop only to pop when wiping. My wonderful nurses Kim and Lisa would check my my arse for dry cracks, wounds and whatever else could be hiding back there. I would bend over mooning them so they could have a good look. So gently, they would butter up my arse, no fear of the hemorrhoid that kept watch and would wink at them plotting to take a shot and make way for a fart or worse. They would have nice padded dressings to cover the problem areas as...

 One afternoon while I was at work I had to call my Mom to ask her to go to the pharmacy and pick me up some cough medicine. The store was right beside her so she agreed and I would go to her place after work. The pharmacist was a miserable man and insisted she get a certain type because I was a bigger girl and needed a stronger kind.  I went to her place to pick up the medicine and noticed it was the same brand I wanted but, it had an ingredient I was allergic to and would have to exchange it. I took the bottle and receipt and went to the same pharmacist she bought it from. I explained my situation about not being able to use one of the ingredients.  I gave him the receipt, he knew who my Mom was so there was no question it was bought from there. He saw the package was not tampered with, the receipt was from there and he refused because I didn't have the bag.  I was not in a good mood by then, grabbed my stuff and went to my Mom's to see if she had the bag. She did ...