Let Loose At The Pharmacy

I  had been ill for awhile and decided it was time to see a Doctor. (I am a stubborn Norwegian that refuses to admit they are sick; once you admit it, then it becomes true). I had pneumonia and bronchitis, and was given a percription for medications. I  hopped onto city bus to the pharmacy that was closest to my house. While on the bus, I started coughing and felt like puking, but I kept swallowing to try to stop that from happening. Another coughing attack hit me, suddening I threw up, splattering the young man sitting in front of me. Everyone staring. The young guy was shocked. Thank God I had my stop coming up, apologized to the guy, stepped off of the bus, twisted my ankle and fell down into the gutter. The bus left me lying in the slushy, muddy snow to fend for myself.
 I pulled myself up, I was already muddy, wet and looked like death. I go to the pharmacy and wait my turn. Finally, I am at the counter and I start coughing again. This time it was worse than ever. I'm sweating, nauseous, dizzy, no control of my body.
It was so bad that I had one heck of a fart and shot another young man behind me. He was so embarrassed, plus it stunk. I apologized and mumbled. "you can't hold what's not in your hand."  He left, probably to seek medical care from the shooting.
An older woman beside me says, "you should try Fisherman's Friends dear," and comes to me with a container. As she approaches me, I start throwing up, all over the pharmacy counter. I look at her, I am covered in puke, my mouth is open, snot and mucus dripping from my face and I mumble thank you as I throw up again, this time hitting her as well.
She goes in her purse, grabs a packet of kleenex and starts wiping me off.  Why she didn't start with herself first I will never know. The pharmacist puts a box of tissue on the counter and starts cleaning the puke off of  there. Someone else starts cleaning off the floor and me. I just stand there watching people around me.  The old lady finally leaves. I don't know if anyone cleaned her off.
I smiled at the pharmacist, said a cheery good morning, (now I think to myself, what a stupid thing to say, he was not having a good morning after that).  I  proceed to get my script out of my muddy, puke soaked purse. He didn't want to touch it so he put on gloves, took the script and filled it immediately.  I am finally cleaned up, as well as I could be, waiting, again starts the cough. He rushes over to me with the script and box of tissue and asks me to leave.
The pharmacy is at the back of a grocery store. As I get up and head for the door, I start coughing again, but this time, I shit myself. As I am walking by the fish department to get out, two old ladies walk up to look at the fish, they are sniffing the air with a funny look on their face. I told them, " You smell that, I think there must be something wrong with the fish, I'm not buying any!"  I left the store, my pants full of crap and walked all the way home. Good thing I only lived a mile away.
After that incident, when I walk up to the pharmacist's counter, he pulls out a bucket and a box of tissue and hands it to me.  We became good friends after that.

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