The Day I Shit on my Son, Literally!


I want to spend the next little while telling you a few stories about stupid things that happened in my life as well as other stories. Let me know what you think. Everything is TRUE. Embarrassing yes, but I see the funny side of life. Enjoy the stories.

My son, my poor son, last year I was in the basement talking to him. We had been arguing about something. The basement was FULL as we were packing stuff up to renovate. I squeezed into his room and found a low chair to sit on. I Started getting stomach cramps and figured I need to go to the bathroom. I hesitated a few minutes, trying to settle things down.
I struggled to get up from the chair and he had to come pull me up, farting the entire time. Oh, the stench! Making my way out of the room to the stairs , finally making it through the maze and up the first step.
I was ill and my back was out making it hard for me to go up the steps. He goes behind me and starts pushing my ass up the stairs.
Suddenly I got the shits, its squirting out my pants and hits him in the face.
He's behind me swearing "Jesus Christ, what the hell is the matter with you?"
Crap falling on the steps, he's still trying to get me upstairs, swearing the entire time.
He's full of shit.
My pajama pants are full of shit. Running down my leg and out the back.
Everywhere I step is full of shit.
He finally gets me up the stairs, goes in the bedroom yelling at his Dad.
"Dad, get the fuck up and clean up mom, she turned into a fucking out house and shit all over the place."
He gets up, grabs a couple  kleenex and starts wiping the floor.
What the hell is that going to do, he'd need a shovel.
I started laughing  and had the biggest explosion, that it scared the cats and they went to hide.
Shit is flying.
Jaime goes in the shower swearing, I am on the toilet waiting for him to finish. I'm laughing, His Dad is grumbling about what I don't know. He  finally got a big roll of paper towel, cleaning everything up. Out comes the Windex, spraying everything down. WINDEX! What happened to using Javex?
Jaime gets out of the shower and puts on his underwear. I am still on the toilet and it reeks.I am still covered in shit and spreading it as I remove my pants and underwear.  He starts stomping around trying to make sure I didn't shoot the cats.
He says to me, "That was a real shit show. You fucking shit on me,. You got me in the eyes and mouth."  I am in hysterics laughing. For some reason, I was the only one who found it funny.
Jaime says  to me, "Don't ever come down stairs again. I am NOT helping you up the stairs ever again!"
All I could think of to say, "Shit happens!"
Next day he went out and bought me a bag of depends.
A year later they found a little humour in it.  My son, who is 25 came to me one day with a badge the size of a luncheon plate that reads, "I shit today!" It is proudly hanging in my bathroom for all to see.

I hope you had a good laugh!

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