The Outhouse Fiasco
The Outhouse Fiasco
I can't believe my Aunt and Uncle let me get close to their farm after all the things that happened. They must have thought disaster followed me.
My friend and I seemed to find trouble in everything we did. One evening after playing hard all day, we stunk, we were dirty and wanted to have a Sauna. My Aunt started it up for us and all we had to do was wait. Julie decided to use the outhouse before we got into the sauna. Both of us were overweight, Julie more so, and was shorter.
Shortly after I hear screaming for the outhouse. I figured she saw a snake, no big deal. Again, she is hollering my name. I figured I better check, not that I wanted to see a snake or smell the outhouse, but I did go over. I open the door, there is no Julie. Where the heck did she go? I hear yelling inside and looked down. Sitting on the shit pile beneath the outhouse was Julie. She broke the outhouse seat and took a plunge.
She can't get out, I can't get her out, what am I going to do now. I figured I would go to my Uncle and tell him Julie needs help with something.
Off I go to the house, my aunt invites me in for coffee and cake that she just made. During the middle of coffee, I mention to my Uncle, " Julie needs a little help, she is stuck by the outhouse!"
"What kind of help does she need?"
I just shrugged my shoulders. He got his shoes on and went outside. I'm still inside having coffee with my Aunt. Suddenly we hear, "Jesus Christ! What the hell did you do now?"
Auntie and I ran out, "Why didn't you tell me you two broke the damn outhouse?"
I replied, "I didn't break it, must have been rotten. It can be fixed, I didn't think it would be a big deal!"
He wasn't laughing, my aunt was glaring at me.
"Can you get her out?" I asked.
He goes storming to the barn and comes back with a rope and the bull. He ties up the bull, makes a loop on the other end and throws it to Julie. She was told to put it around her waist and hold on. The bull is backing away, pulling a shit covered Julie out of the broken outhouse hole. Finally she is out, covered in shit.
My Aunt didn't want her dragging it to the sauna, so she got a few buckets of water and threw it at her to clean off what she could. Off we went to the Sauna. There's nothing like the smell of steaming hot poop. I quickly washed up and left Julie to fend for herself. Soon after I heard a crash, she tripped and broke the water barrel. I was not going to say a word to my Uncle or Aunt. Julie cleaned up the Sauna the best she could, and came into the trailer.
I thought everything would be good since my Aunt and Uncle didn't have a sauna until Friday night. We'd be gone by then. Next thing I hear is "ELAINE!" In trouble again.
6 a.m. the next morning, we were loaded into my Uncles car heading back home, we were never allowed to stay there again.
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