The Outhouse Fiasco

                                                   The Outhouse Fiasco


I can't believe my Aunt and Uncle let me get close to their farm after all the things that happened. They must have thought disaster followed me.

My friend and I seemed to find trouble in everything we did.  One evening  after playing hard all day, we stunk, we were dirty and wanted to have a Sauna. My Aunt started it up for  us and all we had to do was wait.  Julie decided to use the outhouse before we got into the sauna.  Both of us were overweight, Julie more so, and was shorter. 

Shortly after I hear screaming for the outhouse. I figured she saw a snake, no big deal.  Again, she is hollering my name. I figured I better check, not that I wanted to see a snake or smell the outhouse, but I did go over. I open the door, there is no Julie.  Where the heck did she go? I hear yelling inside and looked down. Sitting on the shit pile beneath the outhouse was Julie.  She broke the outhouse seat and took a plunge. 

She can't get out, I can't get her out, what am I going to do now.  I figured I would go to my Uncle and tell him Julie needs help with something.

Off I go to the house, my aunt invites me in for coffee and cake that she just made. During the middle of coffee, I mention to my Uncle, " Julie needs a little help, she is stuck by the outhouse!"

"What kind of help does she need?"

I just shrugged my shoulders. He got his shoes on and went outside. I'm still inside having coffee with my Aunt. Suddenly we hear, "Jesus Christ! What the hell did you do now?"

Auntie and I ran out, "Why didn't you tell me you two broke the damn outhouse?" 

I replied, "I didn't break it, must have been rotten.  It can be fixed, I didn't think it would be a big deal!"

He wasn't laughing, my aunt was glaring at me.

"Can you get her out?" I asked.

He goes storming to the barn and comes back with a rope and the bull.  He ties up the bull, makes a loop on the other end and throws it to Julie. She was told to put it around her waist and hold on.  The bull is backing away, pulling a shit covered Julie out of the broken outhouse hole. Finally she is out, covered in shit.

My Aunt didn't want her dragging it to the sauna, so she got a few buckets of water and threw it at her to clean off what she could.  Off we went to the Sauna. There's nothing like the smell of steaming hot poop. I quickly washed up and left Julie to fend for herself.  Soon after I heard a crash, she tripped and broke the water barrel. I was not going to say a word to my Uncle or Aunt.  Julie cleaned up the Sauna the best she could, and came into the trailer.  

I thought everything would be good since my Aunt and Uncle didn't have a sauna until Friday night.  We'd be gone by then.  Next thing I hear is "ELAINE!"  In trouble again.

6 a.m. the next morning, we were loaded into my Uncles car heading back home,  we were never allowed to stay there again.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Get in my Pants!

Image
 First question was, "Do you soil the bed at night?" "No, do you?" was my reply. This is the first time in many years I have had a young, handsome man try to get in my pants.  He's a nurse but what difference does that make?  I'm old, any mention of anything like that would get me smiling. He needed to check something but so what. Fact is, he ended up getting in my pants, not once, but twice. He wanted to see my coccyx and my butt cheeks. He had me bend over the bed, baring my rump checking them out.  He so gently greased them up. It felt good. He then asks me if I want to get into the peek-a-boo hospital gown and get ready for bed. What the hell, I give him a butt and now he wants the whole body? To top it off, he would have helped me change. I'm pretty sure he wanted to check out what a real woman looks like with all the wrinkles. rolls and fat! Later, he comes in with a scale. Men are NEVER supposed to ask a woman's weight. Maybe he was planning o
Read more

You Wanted the BAG!

Image
 One afternoon while I was at work I had to call my Mom to ask her to go to the pharmacy and pick me up some cough medicine. The store was right beside her so she agreed and I would go to her place after work. The pharmacist was a miserable man and insisted she get a certain type because I was a bigger girl and needed a stronger kind.  I went to her place to pick up the medicine and noticed it was the same brand I wanted but, it had an ingredient I was allergic to and would have to exchange it. I took the bottle and receipt and went to the same pharmacist she bought it from. I explained my situation about not being able to use one of the ingredients.  I gave him the receipt, he knew who my Mom was so there was no question it was bought from there. He saw the package was not tampered with, the receipt was from there and he refused because I didn't have the bag.  I was not in a good mood by then, grabbed my stuff and went to my Mom's to see if she had the bag. She did but it was
Read more

Mom's Haunted House

Image
  Mom's Haunted House Back in the 1950's my Mom, Wilma decided to stop working as a cookee in the bush camps to raise her children. She moved to town, rented a house and decided to start taking in people for room and board. She knew two young policemen who were wanting to rent two of the bedrooms. Another woman took the third room. There were little problems with room 1 the door would open, even when locked. Windows would slam shut, smells of aftershave  would waft through the air. An occasional cool breeze would pass by without a window being open. One policeman, John, took that room as his own. The second week he started feeling like someone was watching him. He was blaming his cop friend that he did something to the room to prank him. He denied doing anything. A couple of night later the cop was startled by a noise. He opened his eyes and standing at the foot of the bed was a man dressed in a black suit. John, yelled for the man to get out. He disappeared. John thought he wa
Read more